Wish you were Ed, Eddy's way
by MeaningfulPlatypus
Summary: Just like the last story, with the hypnodisk, Eddy has his way with this scam, or does he?
1. Car breaks and heart aches

Hello. In the last story, Eddy had actually succeeded in that plan. You were supposedly hypnotized, until I used a reverse potion on you. You became yourself again, but you were asleep. The only way to save you was to open a portal into another dimension. Don't worry. We're still in your world, but that event had never happened in this dimension. You still know the reason for this show, do you? Ok. By the way, I'm the new host. Now we'll take a look at the episode "Wish you were Ed." This is about when the Eds trick Rolf into thinking he's back in his homeland, but Eddy's scam works, in a bad way. This will be in Eddy's point of view.  
  
It was a boring day in the neighborhood. Me and Double-D were walking around. "This is strange. No one seems to be here. I'd really like to bond with someone right now, like Nazz, to see her interests, her dislikes, and how she bathes." Ha! Then Double-D's whole face turned red. "Not that I'd actually WATCH her bathe. That would be, well..." "Sheesh Double-D, you have to read my magazines sometime, then we can have a good conversation." Then I saw Ed. Okay, so I saw his butt sticking out of a P.O box. I ran up to him, with Double-D following me. Then I saw the rest of him. "Ed, what are you doing?" I asked. Incase you didn't know, Ed was stuck in a P.O box, with his butt sticking out at one end and his head out the other end. "... Don't they do this in Trigun?" asked Ed. "No skunk pits, they don't." Trigun is a Japanese cartoon in English. It's about some legendary guy named Vash the stampede. The part I like about it are those two girls. I'd like to dress up as Vash, but I think Ed would look much cooler in it. Hey! I could make tons of money off the big guy if he got dressed up like that. I'd just have to get a Canadian squirt gun, the glasses and the red coat from the Trigun props section in cartoon network studios. First, we have to get Ed out. So, Double-D tried using a crowbar around Ed's head and I tried pulling Ed's legs. Then we heard some kids rush by on whatever vehicle. "What was that all about?" I asked. "Best not to worry about that now, Eddy." I hate it when Double-D doesn't let me wonder about stuff. Then Rolf came bouncing in a basket, then crashing. "Hi Rolf!" It's weird when we say stuff at the same time. "Hello, Ed boys." Rolf seems kind of upset. "If we had some grease, we could slide Ed out." "Where in the world are we going to find..." Then it hit me! Rolf! "Hey Rolf, could you spare a cup of fat?" Ha! Man, I'm funny. Then Rolf said something that I couldn't quite hear and sat down. It suddenly became quite. This went on for about a minute. "Rolf's keester grows cold." Say what? What's with this guy? "Rolf's what?" then he stood up. "I grow tired of this, this cement, this, this waste less industry, this confusing leisure delights, and your ill-at-ease customs." Then lumpy coughed up an envelope. "Rolf sweats himself to understand your modern go-go world, but Rolf yearns for the simple life, the life once lived in the old country." Geez, Rolf talks more than Double-D! "Are you ok Rolf?" asked Double-D. Then tears started forming in Rolfs eyes. "My Heart, my heart! It is broken." Then he walked away crying. "Rolf's frustrated, Eddy. Think of it, adapting to a new way of life, blah blob blip...." I can't understand a word he's saying. "Rolf's homesick Eddy." I'm glad Ed told me what sock head meant, but how in the world did lumpy get out of that P.O box? "Where'd you come from?" "Blame my parents Eddy." Ed has a problem. Oh well. When I become ruler of the USA and become the richest guy ever, I'll fix Ed. Hey! I can do that Trigun idea later. I've got an even better idea that's fool proof! "Hey! A ??????? flight! I've got the plan all up here." I'm talking about my head. I know, it's the 8th wonder of the world. "And I'll fly the plane." Ed has got to get out more. "I'll salvage what's left of this plot." I don't know what that meant. "Whatever. But if it works, it was my idea!" I'm about to fool Rolf beyond.. time, or something. Double-D says some strange things. Anyhow, I'm going to be rich! 


	2. Stench of Destiny

Chapter 2  
  
Ok, so here's my plan. Rolf misses his homeland, right? So, I'll create an exact replica. First I have to lure Rolf with some bait. We're in the lane, right next to Rolf's fence. "Ed, hurry up with that bowl, will you?" I yelled. "Almost there, Eddy." Then lumpy dropped the bowl. "Got milk?" asked Ed. Then I got a hold of a pump Double-D invented. "Oh, I've got milk!" I said. Then I started pouring the milk in the bowl. Earlier, I hooked up the pump to one of Rolf's cows. Now that the bowl's filled up, I jumped in and felt weird. Hey, you'd feel weird too if you were lounging in a giant bowl of milk. "Double-D, it's time to add the cereal." "I'm on it, Eddy." Double-D started dumping tennis balls in the milk. Sure we can fill this bowl with milk, but it would take forever to add real cereal, so we're using tennis balls. "I have to go to the bathroom." Said Ed. Oh no. I've gotta stop him. "Ed, hold it in. Don't go in the milk, you idiot." That was close. What in the world is taking Double-D so long with the tennis balls? "Move it Double-D!" "I'm shoveling as fast as I can, Eddy." Geez, I'd hate to see how fast he can fly. "We need more tennis balls to float in the milk. We need a full bowl of cereal." This going to take forever. I guess I'll check if Rolf's coming. "Come on, before Rolf shows up." Uh oh. He's already here. "Quick Ed, you know the drill." Ed better remember what we practiced. "Whoo hoo. It's a wish come true, huh Ed?" It's working so far. "I wish, I wish, I was a fish." Lumpy blew it, I just know it. "Your kitchen ware is larger than papa's nasal wart. But how can this be?" Rolf sure lives in a weird place. "You can't catch me." I'll let Ed have his fun while I conduct a mature, sensible business deal. "We just wished for a giant bowl of Chunky puffs, and presto change-o, we're soaking in it." .... Well, it wasn't mature or sensible, but it was a business deal, right? "Hard to believe, isn't it Rolf?" Darn, Double-D is going to blow it! "Tell Rolf more of this hocus pocus, as Rolf has wishes too." Hook, line, and sucker. I've got to think fast. That's how I got this far in my life. Aha! I grabbed Ed's leg and showed Rolf the shoe. It's just that this shoe is going to be a magic one. "Behold, the magical shoe!" Rolf was falling for it like a ton of bricks! "Rolf is humbled by the stench of destiny." Stench of destiny. I've got to remember that. "Believe in the stench, Rolf, as it will grant your wish, no matter what it is." Man, I'm good. "Can it take pity on Rolf and take him to his homeland?" "Yes." "May Rolf speak to the shoe?" "No." "No?" "Yes, no...." "Yes, Rolf knows what make Ed-boy tick. No?" Then he held out some cash. How could I deprive him of his wish? "Yes." This was going so well. "Rolf's legs wobble with weakness!" I was trying to hold in my laugh. This was so perfect it was funny. Then Rolf made a disturbed face. I don't like the looks of it. "Is there a manual for this?" Yeah right, like anyone needs a manual for a shoe. Maybe Ed does though. "Just make your wish, and take a big whiff, of the Stench of destiny!" Almost there.... "Rolf doesn't have to smell the..." "Shoo." Oops, I hope Rolf didn't hear that. "Oh great shoe, take pity and return Rolf to his home!" Then he actually took a really big whiff of the stench. What a sucker. Once again, I was trying to hold my laugh. Then, Rolf passed out from the stench. Geez, that must have been a really smelly shoe. Ed needs to bathe more often, like all the time! Enough chatter. "Bingo. Ed, you pick up Rolf and take him to the construction site. Double-D, you look for any information on Rolf's homeland, and then start building the scenery at the construction site." I like ordering people around. "And what, may I ask, will you be doing, Eddy?" I might as well tell Double-D. "Duh! Isn't it obvious? I'll be changing my clothes. This milk is going to take forever to wash out." Then Double-D ran to his house, while I went over to mine. After I made it to my room, I decided to change into another of my normal clothes. Then I noticed a hidden door at the end of my closet. I opened it to find a hidden passageway. Then I saw a chest. "All right! Maybe it's gold!" When I opened it, it turned out to be costumes. "This stinks. What a rip off." That's when I realized that I could use these costumes for something. "That's it. We'll be able to use these as part of the scam! Brains and looks. A deadly combination that could only be handled by me and my charm." After I changed into some suitable clothes, I picked up the light, yet heavy, chest. After today, I'm going to be rich! 


	3. Rolf is home again

Chapter 3.  
  
Here's the deal. We're scamming Rolf out of his cash by creating an exact replica of his homeland. Right now, Rolf is asleep. I don't blame him. I'd pass out too if I smelled Ed's shoe. As you know, about an hour earlier, I found a chest full of costumes in my closet, or the secret passageway in my closet. After I'm through with this scam, I'll explore the whole passageway. Then I'll get a Canadian squirt gun and the glasses and coat from the Trigun section, and then I'll be able to create Ed the stampede! Until then, I'm waiting here. Lumpy is just standing there while Double-D is finishing setting up the last cardboard wall. Afterwards, he came running back to me and Ed. We're hiding behind a cardboard building. Then Double-D looked at his Encyclopedia of old world culture, or something. All of a sudden, Rolf woke up and looked around. "Can it be?" Then he ran over to the well and used a spoon thingy and drank some water. He spit out a bug, which Ed must have accidentally dropped in there. "The water is fowled with infestation. My wish has been granted. The son of a shepherd has returned!!!" he yelled so loud that it echoed. Then he jumped onto a pile of dirt that smelled weird. That is dirt, isn't it? "I knew my encyclopedia of old world culture would come in handy!" Double-D's stuff is actually useful, not including his inventions. "Good, cause I've got money to spend." I can't wait to taste that juicy, huge jawbreaker and let it melt in my mouth. Oops, I meant jawbreakers. "Jawbreakers!" Ed didn't just read my mind, did he? Oh well. I'm on my way to jawbreaker city. At least I was, until Double-D grabbed the collar of my shirt from faraway. He also grabbed Ed. "Wait!" Then Me and Ed crashed into eachother and Double-D. "You can't leave." Say what! He can't do that. "Where was I going?" Poor Ed. I hope a mouse doesn't eat that piece of cheese that's inside Ed's head. I'm talking about his brain. "We have to see this through. Rolf has a wish." ........ Oops, I forgot about that. I didn't think this would happen. Then I heard a bell ring. It was Rolf ringing the bell at the fish stand. I hope he hasn't something to do that's still in America. "Fish monger? Hurry, as Rolf wishes to purchase this fine fresh eel." Oh my gosh! "Did Rolf say purchase?" I quickly dressed in some kind of costume and rushed over to Rolf. I had to change my voice so he'd buy my act. Just saying the word 'buy' makes me want to grow up to be a salesman. "Eyeballing me eels, are ya villager?" I've got to be the greatest actor ever. "I bow thee, fish monger." Rolf should get out more. Then Rolf pulled out a pole out of nowhere and started climbing it. "Are you ready, fish monger?" I had no idea what to do, so I decided to ask Double-D. I walked behind the main cardboard wall, making sure Rolf didn't see me. "What's he doing?" I'm sure Double-D had an answer. He usually does. Then Double-D started reading from the book. "It's a bartering pole Eddy. It says, 'the person shall balance himself on the pole in the abdominal area.' Intriguing. 'to settle all market negotiations.'" Then he closed the book. I noticed that Ed was looking for something to wear in the costume box. I'll help him later. "That's stupid." "Make haste, fish monger!" Uh oh. I had to do something quick or Rolf would find out. Then I quickly dressed Double-D in a dress, wrapped a bandage all around his hat, stuck him on top of a bartering pole, and set him in front of Rolf. "Meet me wife. She handles the market stuff." This is going well. I watched from a distance. "Ahhh, wife." Then he kissed Double-D's tongue. "The pleasure is mine." I couldn't stop giggling. "Enough formalities. What is the word of these two eels?" I hope Double-D knows what he's doing. "Let's see, um, 3 oranges?" "I will give you, two chickens." Say what? He's supposed to use cash, not chickens. This is wrong! Ed sure was happy, happy enough to slam me to the ground. "Take the chickens!" I've got to find a way to fix Ed. "That's sounds very nice, and thank you." "What? You do not want 4 chickens?" "I'll be happy to take 4." "I said 2." "3 chickens and a rubber band?" "2 chickens!" "My abdomen is killing me. 2 chickens then." This stinks. "Hold on there. This monger only takes cash." Apparently, Rolf didn't listen. He was about to give the chickens to me, but then Ed came and grabbed them. "I'll take those." Then he stuck a board in his pants and put the chickens on top. "I thank you, fish monger and wife, as Rolf is home again!" Then he walked away. After that, Ed came by, walking around with the board and the chickens. I'm definitely going to fix Ed later. 


	4. That's my horse, 113 is the charm

Chapter 4.  
  
My scam is going great! So far, Rolf thinks that he's actually in his home land. What a sap. I'm going to keep this gravy train rolling. So, I dressed up by wearing a white wig with a green ribbon thingy across my shirt and walked over to Rolf, who was digging a hole. That's when I spotted a wheelbarrow of rocks. That gave me an idea. "Mighty fine hole you're digging." This is going to get me some more money. I'm a genius. "Do you like it?" Rolf has no idea what's really going on. Sucker! "This village requires a hole-digging permit, so unless you buy one, I'm gonna have to hit you with one of these rocks." I'm going to be rich in cash and jawbreakers! Then all of a sudden, Rolf grabbed me and covered my mouth. What's he doing? "Shah-Kash-mash-neh-mirka-horgen. Shla-karsh-la-homo-rein- schmitchahorgen!" ................ What? What did he say? I'm going to charge him extra for that. Then Ed walked by, still carrying the chickens and the board in his pants, until he fell in the hole Rolf was digging. This means trouble. "Your village idiot has fallen in Rolf's hole. A celebration I say!" That was close. Then Rolf spotted Double-D, still in his costume. "You there, eel woman. Play me the song of Rolf's village!" Then Double-D took out a old jug thingy and looked in his book. Then he started blowing into the jug, probably to play the song. Then, some weird music was playing out of nowhere. I've got to see this dance. Then Ed walked over to Rolf. Ed was in some kind of weird costume. "I can't dance Rolf." "Join Rolf." Then they slapped hands. Afterwards, they started hitting eachother! It was funny. First Ed uppercutted Rolf. Then they started throwing and hitting eachother with different stuff. "I like this song." It was hilarious. I had to hold in my laugh for the third time that day. "What a delightful barbaric dance." Double-D was right. It was delightful. Delightfully funny! "You ain't with the gypsies, brother." I wonder what Jonny's doing here. Oh well. ......... Wait a minute. "Jonny?" Oh no! He's gonna blow it, I just know it! Hmmm, that rhymed. "He can't be here. This is supposed to be an old world village." Double-D was right. So I quickly pushed Jonny to the entrance. "You don't belong here Jonny." "Why not?" I had to think of something quick. After all, I am slick. That also rhymed. "Cause, you need a passport." I did it. I saved the scam. "You aren't the boss of us, Eddy!" Then he walked away. "Fathead."  
  
Then he ran towards Rolf. "Double-D, he's making a run for it!" That's weird. Double-D isn't blowing into the jug anymore, yet I can still hear music. Double-D started running, until Ed crashed into him. Then Jonny crashed into Rolf. I quickly ran and kicked Jonny into the castle. "Bald badgers. Real problem in this village." "Badgers make a fine stew." "Yeah sure. You get the onions, and I'll get the badger." Then I threw Rolf somewhere behind me. "Let's get out of here Plank." Uh oh! Jonny just knocked over a wall. Thankfully, Ed put it back up and threw Jonny over the whole construction site. Then I put the castle back up. That was close. I saved the scam. Now nothing will get in my way. As soon as Rolf wants to go home, I'll knock him out again and bring him to his house. I'll just wait for 2 seconds for him to want to come back to America. It will only be 2 seconds.  
  
113 years later........ We can see the cul-de-sac. It is future like. The houses are now H.O.U.S.E.S, which means Hybrid Oxygen Unity Stable Electric Super environment. We even see some of the descendants of the cul-de-sac kids, but they look exactly like the regular kids. However, we do not see anyone that looks like the Eds or Rolf. That's because they have been at the construction site, still doing that scam, for one-hundred and thirteen years. The Eds, now Eddy and Double-D, no Ed anymore, have changed. Eddy has stayed the same size all these years. His three hairs have fallen out, but his face still looks the same, except for all the wrinkles. Double-D still wears his hat, and he's the same size as well. The three hairs sticking out the back of his hat have fallen out also. Plus, now he has a cane. As for Rolf, he looks the same, except now he has gray hair and he has a cane.  
  
Eddy's point of view. Hi. I'm now 124 years old. In 1 hour, I'm going to be 125. I'm surprised you are still alive. As you know, 113 years ago, I tricked Rolf into thinking.... I can't remember. I think it had something to do with a toilet. Ed passed away in the year 2116, when the aliens attacked. When it was a draw, they teamed up and created this new earth. It's a shame we never got to live in the H.O.U.S.E.S. "Eddy, this is all your fault." "What are you talking about, you old coot?" "If you hadn't have found Ed in that mailbox, this never would have happened." "You're the one that ate it." "What are you saying, Eddy?" "I'M NOT EDDY!" "SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" This is going to take awhile. "Fish monger. Hurry, as I'm ready to purchase this fine fresh eel." I'd better get my costume on.  
  
We now see the host of this show, who is old and wrinkly. "Well, that's what would have happened if......." then we see him fall.  
  
The end. 


End file.
